Marie Forleo’s B-School is coming up. This is an 8 week business training program that I have wanted to attend for some time. But I have been putting it off with various excuses: I’m not ready, I don’t have time, I can’t afford it, I don’t even know what I want to do with my life! While those are all true in their own right, the bottom line is: I’m scared. I’m scared of lots of things! Scared to fail, scared to put myself out there, scared to spread myself too thin and collapse: scared, scared, scared!
I’m going to tell you something that I stopped telling anyone when I was a young girl. As long as I can remember I have had this knowing. This undeniable unarguable knowing that I was going to do or be something big. That I was destined for something. I never knew what it was, but as a kid I never worried, the knowing was so strong I never doubted it, or questioned it, or needed to understand it. I knew I didn’t have to plan it or get it. It just WAS. I thought that “What do you want to be when you grow up?” was such a silly question because I had the knowing. But people didn’t seem to understand when I would say that ~ and some reacted poorly. So eventually I stopped saying it.
Along with growing older came learning self doubt and some failures along the way. I started to doubt the knowing, to question it. What was it? Was I crazy? Was I making it up? Was I just trying to feel special? Why wasn’t it coming? But the knowing held steady, it never changed or went away. Sometimes I tried to ignore it, I got mad at it, I stuffed it down. But when I looked it was still there, as strong as ever. It never pushed me or pulled me or asked anything of me. It just WAS.
Well, I finally hit some little milestone the other day. I decided to apply for Marie’s B-School scholarship. I said to myself “It’s time to stop hiding this, to stop denying it, to stop playing safe”. I was exhilarated and terrified.
Two days later Marie released a video about her B-School. As I was watching it and taking notes she began to talk about how “You have a greatness, a destiny and haven’t you always know that since you were a kid?” Holy shit I thought, she is talking to me! Then I thought, no she is talking to Us, that means there are more people who feel this!! I was dumbfounded. Apparently when you talk about your knowing in elementary school it’s frowned upon, but in Marie’s B-School you’re not a freak you’re: one of the group! Okay, now I REALLY know I belong in this program!
So, I am at home working on my scholarship video! I have two days to do it including teaching myself how to edit the video! I’m finishing it up as I type this and it will be posted below. Fair warning: it’s homemade! And you can probably hear my head-cold in my voice. But here it is, it all it’s vulnerable authenticity! GULP!
Here’s to all of us and our greatness! Here’s to being brave enough to step into that light even for a second! Here’s to believing every little kid when they tell us they have a greatness or a knowing!
I love you,